Robert Orben First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Thank you for supporting my website. Part of you will be happy and excited in anticipation of what the future holds for you in the real and pragmatic world, while the other part will be melancholic to leave the cushioned world of teachers and friends behind. Will Ferell Three rings of marriage are , the wedding ring, and the suffering. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Edison I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. Carl Sandburg If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Here are some hilarious quotes, by famous men and women, which will certainly bring a smile on your lips or a chuckle. Jerry Seinfeld I am not a member of any organized political party. Joe Klaas Life is short. Milwaukee Journal A child enters your home and for the next twenty years makes so much noise you can hardly stand it.
When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. If it can be laughed at, you will find a quote on it in our extensive list of funny quotes. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Don Rickles A day without laughter is a day wasted. Marilyn Monroe Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire. Billy Connolly Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. You might like: To Share is Divine.
Groucho Marx Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Katharine Hepburn It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Various situations are open to make fun of; the wedding, love, health or sickness, people in different locations and so on. Steven Wright My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. The best collection of quotes and sayings for every situation in life.
The child departs, leaving the house so silent you think you are going mad. Zsa Zsa Gabor God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. The words and pictures in it keep a small part of that young you alive in your grown-up self for the longest time. We're perfect for each other, but my alarm clock doesn't want us together. There should be some point of time in life when you really feel like having fun, or want to be funny or spread the feel of fun around. Bill Maher If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. Henny Youngman Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
Take a funny saying about parenthood and family life and brighten the new parents' day. Have fun with other friends sharing this minion jokes for kids. Funny Quotes At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted? Click here for more laughs. This money helps me to maintain this website and provide free information for you. Seuss Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Do you want to become the life and soul of the parties? Don Marquis You are going to be fine, you come from a strong line of lunatics.
Dave Barry Beer is the reason I get out of bed every afternoon. Chris Rock We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast. Finally, I leave you with my favorite quote by Hilary Winston: We could love and not be suckers. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets. Lady Gaga Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. She's gonna be a grandma, and has an infant-she's Latina. .
Unknown Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Walt Whitman One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. The rest I spent foolishly. Click here for more laughs. John Andrew Holmes Insomnia: A contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. Charles Chaplin I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. Share the Cheer - Please Re-Pin.
Mitch Hedberg You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before. Oscar Wilde Hilarious Quotes with Pictures Always borrow money from a pessimist. It happens that we can watch the same movie over and over again just to hear that one line we simply adore. Shannon Fife A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be. Arnold Schwarzenegger A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. Since we are all out of bed now lets make it an amazing positive day! But refrain from indulging in profanity and spite.
Peter Do not worry about avoiding temptation. Unknown If the dead talk to you, you are a spiritualist; if God talks to you, you are a schizophrenic. Creativity rides high at all times and you can ride along with it if you want. Many of our funny quotes and sayings fit into more than one category. Almost as much as I despise shoes that eat socks! Hilarious Quotes to Bring Laughter and Cheers to Your Day Have a break and a good laugh with this light-hearted collection of hilarious quotes.