I don't simply wish to ignore this important part of her like some would. I know the number is over 35 from some bits and pieces. I would focus on continuing that work, and let her know that it's really important that she is honest with you, and that the discovery of this lie makes you wonder whether there have been other things she has been hiding from you. She wept for her lost child and lying to me about who she was when we married. I often wonder if she had been more sexually active as a young woman, if she would be more sexually active now? Your wife didn't know she was going to meet you. People's past family life, jobs and education all have good and not so good parts.
I forced myself to wrestle with the old memories, the old emotions, to put them to rest once and for all. He's been with 1 woman, had she not died, they'd still be together now. I feel very bad for you because I feel you are on the road to getting severely blind sided by all of what I fear to be true on your behalf. It sounds like when the two of you got together, she had yet to find the level of trust in you to feel comfortable in being honest about everything. He did not answer my ultimate question, the big why? Yet here I was essentially condemning my wife. I said jealousy can become a problem later because not everyone gets over it.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Not the original poster, but why would you think something would need to be terribly wrong to go to therapy? In my opinion lying in a marriage is not a good quality. And like everything in life, some were forgettable. Also, I'm not conservative and I had an issue with my first gf for these reasons. It can only grasp on what has happened in the past and then, by calculating all those things, make sense of the moment here and put a label on it as good or bad, right or wrong, awesome or not. Will this be a sticking point in your life? My husband and I both come from households where we had to learn to lie to avoid beatings.
If both partners want to know and can handle knowing and agree to share, then I can see feeling betrayed if a partner was not honest. But, if you date for years as I also did, you should have the trust that you know all of the pertinent information about the other person. If you haven't done so already, it's time for you to go into deep cover snoop mode. I try not to think about it but I can't get it out of my head sometimes. And what do you do with this new knowledge? I did not want to let him in, but she thought we should, so we let him in to watch. If you do have other things that concern you then you would probably benefit from counseling or at least trying to research how to talk to someone about honesty. You somehow managed to respond to my comment with something that ignores almost everything I said.
Is that because you think your life and sex together is stale? What makes this even more difficult for me is that other than having sex exactly one time while I was in the Navy, I would have been a virgin on my wedding night first wife. Read these words again, as if for the first time: Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Not being honestly is like living a black lie for what? She had always told me that she practiced safe sex and she was proud that I was the only man ever ejaculate inside her. To us that sends a loud and clear message that you do not find your husband desirable. We have mind blowing sex and great intimacy outside the bedroom.
Not everyone believes the same. The best thing for him is to come to grips with the fact that he married a liberated woman who lived a little in college, has no regrets, and feels great about herself and where she's at now. I asked my husband for his permission to talk with a friend that we both new and trusted. I'm with him on this, you should stop talking about it. I don't think that is what this is about. I also got the feeling that she really enjoyed and missed that time of her life. Even though I have had more partners, he was more experienced because he was in a loving relationship for 7 years.
I'm sure there are lots of things she's never tried. What makes a marriage a marriage is trust and communication. There are perfectly legitimate reasons why he might be shocked that you've slept with more people than he has, he might just come from a culture where women aren't sexually enlightened, but he'll get over that eventually. So how do you deal with your wife's sexual past, and move beyond the doubts? Is it that your wife may have lied to you? It's extremely easy to point fingers at her partners- but what about yours? If you can't let it you, you should divorce. When we first started seeing each other, she was married, I was married and we were both having affairs with other people. Could I say that I had never committed any kind of sexual sin, even something seemingly so innocuous as a lustful thought? So these things surely should be discussed while dating.
Your mind has learned certain snippets of information about her past, and now has been unable to move on ever since. Every woman is different however she shared with me that women tend to me negatively effected by past sexual partners and the more she had the harder it was to bond with the next. Yet I was content to take pride in sins I had avoided only because of lack of opportunity. Just something to think about was all I offered. She went on to say that she had lost count of all the men she had been with and that, if she had been pregnant every time she had been with someone, she would have more kids than she could count.